Most people who know me; love me; or admire me don't WANT to hear this, but they can't figure out why I'm single. I lived a lie for 25 years. I fell in love in my teens/early twenties and spent 25 years trying to rekindle it and make it work. Tied to a man who wasn't my husband and just became someone else's. I dated, married, divorced, ran but my heart always went back to the same place. Recently, the man who I thought was “the love of my life” married someone else and then it became clear, he's the love of someone else and my lie. Through that journey, pain, and experience, God has comforted me and is healing me to move forward by accepting that if he brought this man and I together, he would have been more of a burden to me than a blessing and vice versa. Yes, I loved him and he loved me. BUT it wasn’t God’s will and I often say that God’s will is bigger than feelings. And today, I trust God that who this man married was God’s perfect will. She is the blessing; and I would’ve been the burden. I respect and honor their marriage. For years, I never could completely share my heart because I felt TIED to Him. Today, I know he was never mine to begin with and I am moving forward with God by my side. I am stronger, better, wiser, and more beautiful. I am healing.
I’m sharing this journey with you because it's part of my testimony and there are too many people in the world who are tied to others who are NOT their husband or wife and never will be. That's not love; that's living a lie. That's fear. That's running. I know. I lived it. I don't care how beautiful, rich, honorable, holy, awesome you are; if God says no, it is no. Often when we go through a break up, people throw up their hands and tell us to move on and to get over it. As a result, we share our brokenness with others and leave behind fragments of ourselves. I attempted to heal myself through other people instead of through Christ. I tried moving on over and over again until I walked away numb, broken, and causing more brokenness in others because my heart wasn’t REALLY available. And the only way to heal from this; the only way for any of us to have the type of partnership and marriage God wants us to have, is by surrendering to the Potter who created us to begin with. Being single and celibate isn’t tragic to me, but married couples who wish they weren't is. It’s tragic to me when people marry thinking they’re a blessing to their spouse, when really they’re a burden. It’s tragic when I see men and women who struggle to be faithful. It's tragic in my opinion when men use women for sex and validation and women attach just because Daddy wasn't there. That's tragic. Adultery is tragic. Lust is tragic. Marrying because you're afraid to be alone is tragic. Soulties outside of marriage are tragic and singleness, in my opinion, until God says you're ready is a gift.
Is singleness always easy? No, but I think living a lie is harder. I am grateful for my singleness and alone time with God-grateful for the healing and being made whole so that I can experience true love again. It’s during this time that I have learned about true love versus lust. Through this alone time, I am being made WHOLE in Christ and when and IF God chooses to bring me a mate, I will be ready. Beautifully ready. Ready to make love to a man and not secretly wish someone else was there. When people ask why I am single and celibate, they assume something is missing. And I couldn't be more FULL because God is always there. God for me right now is ENOUGH.
There is life after a soul tie and bad relationship choices, but you must give God your entire heart.. You must undergo heart surgery in the Spirit so that true love can take place again. And that starts with LOVE himself. #God
John 4:18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true."
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
More on Soulties - "No More Sheets" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4VpzfsEjN4