Matthew 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."
A few months ago I started posting videos as part of Healthy Hearts for Hip Hop. Two years ago my friend @Iamericksermon had a heart attack and I said to him we need to do something for Hip Hop, which is when I created the name (HHHH). I have other friends Marley Marl, Hev, and mentor Mr. Magic who passed away young as well. Eazy E was my homie and heart and Tupac, my extended family, who inspired me to be where I am now. He loved the youth, the poor, and the broken. Today, I'm over 40 remembering when I was 14 years old with nothing but love for music. And that was ENOUGH to dance on the corner for hours everyday. Sometimes to men who drummed on buckets. Those were some of my first break beats. Today, it's gone what I saw 30 years ago. Hip Hop is no longer healthy. Our youth thinks twerking is hip hop; I've had a few friends and family murdered who were hip hop legends and greats; I left my career because hip hop music was no longer healing and I just didn't feel like smiling on the red carpet anymore. I don't do fake very well. So, I post videos that show where I began-no money, no budgets, no fame, no resume, just hope and a love for music and a RESPECT for those who paved the way for me. I can't pick up the phone and talk about French or Nikki, so life changes dramatically. Unlike a lot of people I know in the music business; I'm not rich or have the powerful titles to receive the support to make this initiative big. I'm not going to beg people to support me in change. I stand for God when it's not popular and so, I knew when I made a stand for God, that meant people not calling you back. We like to thank Jesus on award shows, but not support people unless we get a LOOK for it. The music business is what it is today-when people are stars and rich, we support them. I can't share a flyer and say LeBron will be popping bottles with me in VIP-in fact, I don't drink. And that's what makes people move today. Breaking records, but not breaking movements. The music doesn't move people anymore; just money. We'll talk about Beyonce all day on Facebook. We'll talk about VIPs, but when it comes to breaking movements OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES, supporting the little people, we don't make it happen. Not one person I ever made rich, reached back and the ones that did, have passed on. And so, it's no longer hip hop for me. It's a write-off. It's Bull. I realized that the reason why hip hop lost a lot of it's roots is because now it's all about the rich and famous and not the poor young man with one pair of adidas who was super talented and ambitious. With this said, let's go back to supporting the underground and artists, djs, mcs, producers, dancers and choreographers, photographers, makeup artists, stylists, that don't have a name. I LOVE NO NAME PEOPLE because that's what hip hop was and that is what God expects from us all. Don't get heated up over Michael Dunn verdicts on Facebook and then get on a conference calls to discuss records that talk about destroying our youth. That's not hip hop, that's business. I recall having a Vote in the Hood event with little support during the BET Hip Hop Awards two years ago. VOTING to say let's register felons and let's get rid of laws such as Stand Your Ground. I registered 12 felons, but the music industry? No one showed because I didn't have a Nike Suite or a Monster headphone giveaway. I am saying all of this to say, Healthy Hearts for Hip Hop is about getting healthy and reclaiming hip hop back to it's roots. Children are dying while we're in VIP and on red carpets popping bottles. I'm asking for support to put a hip-hop-a-thon together. I won't do it alone this time, but I don't want to be in VIP for another hip hop event. I want to be in the streets which is where Hip Hop started. I'm asking for you to take your head out of the rich and famous mindset, and help our broken youth. Please pray for us as we plan for a HipHop-a-thon, and if I can't bring Carmelo Anthony or Pharrell, will you show up anyway? Let's Heal. Let's Build. Let's create Hip Hop that is healthy for our youth and the founders of the Hip Hop nation.
Matthew 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God."
I am the most grateful that I know the difference between religion and relationship. There are so many people who know Christ via culture, but haven’t met God’s heart. You’d be surprised. Some are more loyal to the church than they are to God. They have the church thing down pack. They know when to stand in church and when to sit. They know the order of the program and have sold the most tickets for the Women’s Day program. Some know all of the hymns, but still, they don’t know God. They know scripture. They’ve memorized it and so, they’ve convinced themselves that they know God because their lives have been immersed in religion and lots of tradition. Yet, LOVE is foreign to them. Maybe not with people in their circle; maybe not with their own family; but they don’t know the type of love that exercises spiritual muscles. The type of love that makes you pray for your enemies or the kind of love that is not insecure or mean or selfish. People kill each other every day over religion, but it’s relationship and love that covers over a multitude of sins. And it’s love that we were created to do and to master.
My freedom in Christ stems from the fact that I know God’s love. I am imperfect. I have brokenness and it’s this brokenness that allows me to stay humble when pride begins to seep in. It’s this brokenness that allows me to stay in a relationship with God; that’s constantly growing no matter how much knowledge I have. It’s a relationship that allows you to know just enough about God so that you’ll continue to be hungry for more of Him no matter how "smart" or successful you become. And so, I am saddened by confused Christians who think they have to EARN God’s love because they’ve been told for years what Christ looks like; how He loves; and who he loves. Some Christians have spent their entire lives serving a building and not serving God. And I also know Christians who have a wealth of knowledge about the bible, but when I look in their eyes, I don’t see love. I see smart emptiness. Selective love. Conditional love. And sometimes, I even see evil.
Religion is often a barrier. A tool used by satan that makes people feel BETTER than others. But love-love is about service and humility. In order to begin a relationship with Christ, you must serve. Serve the people you like and serve the people you don’t like. To begin a relationship with Christ, you have to lose YOU and religion. Let go of the pride. Let go of having to be RIGHT. Let go of having to know-it-all. Why? Because religion has a way of telling people how wrong they are without loving them through it. The Pharisees were great at this. Yes, they were smart. Wise. Established. But they were empty. And so are many Christians today.
We learn love through brokenness and not lots of knowledge. I don’t expect for religion to teach me about love because that's God’s job. And if you’re not sure if you’re in a relationship with religion or God, you must search yourself. How do you treat people when no one else is watching? Are you kind? Are you loyal? Do you look to serve others first? Do you have to “look” good? Have you WORSHIPED and been in God’s presence? Do people have to be a "certain way" before you embrace them? Are your friends in a church culture, but you rarely reach out to people "below" you? Whose life have you changed? Where is your fruit? Do you forgive? How often does your ego alienate others? Ask yourself those questions and just remember that anyone can commit to a building; and anyone can get A’s in theology, but not everyone can commit to love. Knowledge without love is meaningless.
Matthew 23:3-7 (NIV)
3 So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. 4 They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.
5 “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries[a] wide and the tassels on their garments long; 6 they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; 7 they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.
While many brought in the new year celebrating; I brought in my new year at church and dinner with my daughter praising God and struggling not to grieve. A day prior, I received news about the loss of a dear, loving, and kind friend named KayO. I met KayO in 2008 through his mother Debra Antney. Debra worked for the Ludacris Foundation and I was the Director of Marketing for Disturbing Tha Peace Records at the time. And one day in my office, Debra said, “Portia, one day I’m going to make it big in the music business and when I get it right, I’m coming to get you so you can help me.” It sounded good, but I didn’t believe her. Years later in 2009, we were on the map. While things didn’t turn out the way I had planned or thought it should, I know God’s promises didn’t turn up void. God ALWAYS has a way of fulfilling his promises even if it doesn't turn out our way. We have to believe ALL of God, and not just the parts that feel good.
I got word last night KayORedd committed suicide. I wonder if he knew when he took his life, he’d still live because if you knew KayO, you experienced his heart. And many of us, will never allow his heart to die. Nope. We loved him way too much. KayO was GOOD. A sweet boy. Kind. Always respectful. Honorable. A gentleman. Someone who made life better through his smile and sweet spirit. So, the loss really hurts especially for those who knew him. And initially, I was going to carry the pain of KayO. But then I changed my mind quickly and instead of nursing the pain, I decided to honor KayO. And the only way I could make that happen is to BE BETTER. The only way I could honor KayO’s life is to chase peace. And the only way I could honor KayO is to help him to attain what he was looking for. And you can’t find peace without forgiveness and letting go.
Everyone got something different from KayO. For me, KayO was a “calm in the storm." I felt the same for my friend Michele who passed away recently in New Jersey. A calm in the storm. And just maybe KayO was chasing peace. Chasing God. Chasing God’s love. Of course, these are assumptions, but what I do know is if you ever knew KayO, saw KayO, hugged KayO, laughed with KayO, you saw and felt and breathed and touched LOVE. Many of us are not so good. Many of us harbor bitterness, greed, unforgiveness, and pride. But KayO harbored love and that’s hard to attain in such an ugly world.
People have their opinions about suicide and depression, but I understand that it can be terminal too; a pain no one can quite understand unless you’ve been there. This pain is familiar. I know depression and my brother committed suicide 14 years ago. And I still remember his smile just like I will remember KayO's. And so, I don’t want to add to KayO’s pain. I want to honor him with joy and posting videos that say I can dance as if no one else is watching. I want to add to his peace. We hurt because we assume we could’ve done more, but the journey is not over. We can study depression; live on purpose; and chase the same goodness and peace KayO did. The rest is between God and His son KayO. And while people might think of KayO as being “troubled,” just maybe we're the ones with the problem. Not GOOD enough. Not FORGIVING enough. Not LOYAL enough. Not KIND enough. Not GENEROUS enough...like KayO. His love in the few years I knew him was enough for me to decide to do better-to work on forgiveness and letting go. It might be a process, but I’m chasing God, chasing peace, chasing LOVE and I won’t let God go until He blesses me.
Dearest KayO, rest son and enjoy peace. Until we meet again. Love you, Ms. Portia #SALUTE
Matthew 5:9 “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
Everyone has a gift. And being a giver and servant is one of them. It just comes natural to some people. For me, it wasn’t until God sent me a friend named Carol, who was naturally a servant and then I realized; mailing in donations to a charity isn’t that big of a deal. I’m good at cutting checks. It’s something, but I won't get any rewards for it. The bottom line is anyone can give, but not everyone can be a servant.
I’ve been in music marketing for over sixteen years now, and the music business for twenty-five, and one of the initiatives I've always built into my marketing plan is a charity or an organization where my recording artists "give back" to the community. But I always set up press for them as well so that they're not just GIVING, but GETTING a look back in return. That’s what any good marketing person or management person would do-expand the brand, set up a foundation, and demonstrate their artist millionaires are down-to-earth people who care and give back. And I’m not saying every record executive or recording artist’s motive is to receive good publicity for their gift-giving. That would be unfair because I know many celebrities who are NATURAL givers. On the other hand, I know celebrities who have their team struggling financially behind closed doors, yet host a Thanksgiving Day Turkey Giveaway just for the camera. And there is something wrong with that picture. There’s something wrong with the celebrities getting "the look" and the true servants not ending up on the front page. True giving much of the time is in secret. And once I entered ministry, I realized that true giving is giving without getting credit for it or at least not SEEKING to get credit for it. Pride and charity don’t work very well together. And giving is more about what’s in your heart.
So, think about when you give. Are you comfortable with giving without the acknowledgement? What if you purchased meals just like A-list artists at a charity event, but never received an on-camera look for it because your name didn't carry any weight? Or maybe your boss gets the shine for something you clearly crafted and executed. Are you anxious to receive the medal? Well, I realized that I actually had some issues with giving because when I was responsible for the success of others and not recognized for the success, I was angry. It bothered me that others would be honored for my sweat and tears. So, I went to God about this issue and He pointed out that in ministry, I would be sent to bless others and instead of receiving credit for it, I would be giving God the glory instead. And this is what separates the giver from the servant. Servants serve to bless others and not themselves. And because I come from a very "prideful" business, one of the areas God wanted me to grow in is service. Pride is often the source of many people's downfalls. They can give, but they can't serve, particularly those people "below" them.
So during this holiday season, if you’re giving to get points or giving because of any other motive than to bless someone, it’s no longer giving-it’s getting and your pretty much giving to serve yourself. Learn how to be a better giver and check your heart when serving others. If your heart isn’t in the right place, it’s better not to give at all.
John 13:1-17 -Jesus Washes His Disciples’ Feet
13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
He was a friend of mine and I thought He was THE ONE for a short moment. Out of nowhere, we decided to take it to the next level and while I was CLEAR about where I was in my life (a Proverbs 31 woman; celibate; waiting on a man of purpose I could be a help meet to), our relationship was more of an emotional roller coaster ride because unlike me, he wasn't sure. I was ready and in position. He was sometimes sure and sometimes not so sure. It was a hurtful situation for me, but I learned what I was looking for in a man and one day, a husband.
But I wanted to share with you how I knew he wasn't the one at the time. After a year of attempting to make our yearly romance work, I walked away. I cut ties, including the soul ties. We're friends. I loved him, still do, but there was something missing. It was a bit bigger than “he was a player,” or not sticking to his word. Yes, those elements meant something to me. But there was something in his character. Something very key and I wanted to share with you this journey in hopes that you’ll know the one. God never wanted love to be confusing. ADAM KNEW EVE and Jacob worked for Rachel.
Many women want a man who can pay the bills and provide for their family. Some want fine, rich, great lovemakers, a churchgoer, but none of those traits indicate if he is the one. Of course, a relationship with the Lord is golden, but some men and women just aren’t in tune with who God would wants them to be with and so it leads to long term heartache for both parties. Despite this man being rich; a B-boy (which I absolutely love), who talks lots about God; there was something he didn't have (at least at the time) and what I think every man and woman should look out for when dating.
We were at a resort for the holidays with family and friends. I was moving a piece of furniture to make it comfortable for our family. I asked him to help me move a piece of furniture and he would not get up to help. Sure, it was on wheels, but still he said, "you do it." I asked again, but he wouldn’t move and it said something very powerful to me at the time. It was bigger than him just being selfish and/or lazy. I thought, he might talk a lot about God; be financially stable; I might really be attracted to him, AND he’s taken me to this beautiful resort, BUT one thing we don’t have in common is, he's not a SERVANT or at least someone who will serve me.
I posted on Facebook a few days ago about love and what it really means. I posted –
Instead of just saying "I love you" say "I serve you," and then you"ll know how true and genuine that love is. Replace love with serve and see if you feel the same way about the person you just said "I love you" to.
The mate God has for you will SERVE you and WANT to. You won’t have to beg. Marriage, love, and commitment is work, but when we love someone, naturally, we want to serve them. Just like our children. We WANT to serve them. We might be tired, or have other plans, but we want to serve our children and much of the time PUT THEM FIRST. Selfishness says you are not ready for love. Selfishness said to me in this situation, he would always consider his heart first, his time, his money, his needs, his feelings, his job, his, his, his. When you are ready for love, you have to be ready to serve and think of the other person you love FIRST. Love is service; no matter what type of relationship it is. And I think it's important for women to know that a man dishing out a lot of money, doesn’t make him a servant.
So, in moving forward in your relationship, just know that love isn’t a bunch of lustful feelings. It’s SERVICE because it takes the Spirit of I out of the equation. You never have to fear love that is of God because God’s love never fails. Gentlemen will serve their women. And ladies will serve their men. Once you learn service and understand that lust serves itself; love serves others; you are ready for commitment. There's a huge blessing in store when you can get over you. Don't let you get in the way.
1 Corinthians 13:8
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.
Thirty-two years ago when I was ten years old I knew the wedding dress I wanted to wear. I had everything mapped out in my head. I would be Jaime Sommers, the Bionic Woman, and marry my prince in a pretty gown. Well, my plans didn’t turn out that way and I’ve been divorced now almost eight years I believe. If I had ONLY known then what I know now, my life would have been prettier I think.
It’s been interesting reading the comments on Adrian Peterson’s son who was killed by the baby mama’s boyfriend. While we’re still waiting to confirm the identity of this little boy, the tragedy is still present. This two-year old with a giant of a smile is dead. Murdered. Abused by a baby mama’s boyfriend. And I am concerned there are more children out there seconds away from being abused because their mother is lost looking for love in all the wrong places.
My dear sisters, you will always be thirsty, until you realize that the epitome of what and who you are is not tied to anyone else but God. It’s not about being an independent woman who doesn’t need a man or married to a man who’s rich. All of those elements are external and will never satisfy you. While wanting to be a wife and a mother is natural because God has created us to bring life into this world and then nurture it. STILL, God is also a God of order and there is a season for everything according to God’s Word. God wants you to have love-be a wife and a mother, but at its appointed time. Whenever we embrace life out of season, life will be bitter. Whenever we try to find ourselves outside of what God created us to be; life will hurt. And so, here are some of the things to keep in mind ladies as you look for love.
1. God IS love. Anything you want from a man, you should get from God first. A man cannot complete you. Only God is meant to fill up any emptiness you feel. Falling in love with you, means falling in love with God first. And that, my friend, takes intimacy. Reading the Word and lots of prayer (conversation) with God will get you there. The beginning of being found by the man God has for you begins with God. Let Him show you what love is so that when a man comes you can IDENTIFY if it is REALLY love to begin with.
2. Why did God create you? Everyday seek purpose. Get in tune with why you breathe and how God wants to use you. You have talents and gifts and when God created you it was so much more than you being a wife and a mother. Find your purpose in life. This is something you should know before the “man of your dreams” comes.
3. It’s healthy when you know who are aside from stuff. Find beauty outside of what you can purchase. Makeup. Clothes. Your home and the car you drive aren’t beauty. I am expensive because of my love for God and my brokenness. I am expensive because I know who I am in God; my purpose; and all of the junk I need to do housecleaning on. I am expensive because I am loved by God and know it. I am expensive because I am forgiven. The bottom line is, don’t depend on the love and approval of others to make you whole. That’s not their job.
4. Try practicing celibacy until married so that you can truly guard your heart. I had sex way before I should have. Not because I wanted sex; I wanted love and approval, but sex and damage is what I walked away with, like many women, especially those who don’t have healthy relationships with their fathers. Sex confuses things. God wants sex and love to work together, but often men can have sex and walk away-no strings attached. And when this happens, it’s not love any more. When a man can have sex with you and walk away, it’s not LOVE. Love is commitment. And I know God wants so much more for me than to be someone else’s fix (THANK YOU LORD!) And so, I am celibate and most of the time, very happy with it. It would be great to marry again, but I don’t NEED it. It’s a want but if it doesn’t happen, I am ok with that too. Why? Because being a daughter of God is just as fulfilling for me as being a wife-actually more. I know that the best sex ever is sex God approves of and I am willing to wait just for that.
5. Finally, if you’re a single mother, that is the season you are in – PARENTING. If God wants you to have a husband, he will be a man who is submitted to God; who wants to cover you and provide for you and your children; who is clear on his purpose and a praying man; and your purpose TOGETHER. Never bring your children around a man unless you think he could be a husband and unless he loves God too. I know sometimes we want to be that ten-year old girl again; a wife; and Cinderella. But God wants so much more for you than fairy tales; he wants purpose.
We’ve got to get over the fairy tale girls because it doesn’t exist. There is life and sometimes it is good and sometimes it isn’t, but it can always be purposeful and the one God had in mind. We have to find rest in God and not in man and realize that even when the man comes God has for us; there will always be an emptiness only God can fulfill.
When she confessed, "I have no husband" (John 4:17), Jesus affirmed her answer, then gently exposed her sin: "The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband" (John 4:18).
I’m a born again Christian meaning, at least for me, I experienced a supernatural experience with God; baptized by the fire; and a conversion. In other words, I did the saul paul thing. While I had always had a relationship with God, seven years ago I was born again. Changed. And like the song says, and He did it SUDDENLY.
Sure over time, I’ve grown, stumbled, fallen, and I’m still a sinner, but in one miraculous day, my life changed. I surrendered all and told God to “Take all of it.” I went to the altar, in the Spirit, and said “Take it all,” sobbing. When it was all over, there I was naked and born again. And then the process begins of getting used to your new skin, new eyes, new ears and the whole I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE. I could go on and on about this experience, but just know, it was then that I became anointed. Anointed to spread God’s love and for some reason, I was given my own niche – hip hop and the streets.
I should mention that I believe everyone is born for God’s glory and anointed to minister, uniquely using their own gifts, but not everyone answers their calling. Well, I did and as time went on, I assumed that I’d leave the secular music industry that I had been in since 15 yrs old and enter into the gospel arena, to blow up “God’s” music. But I shouldn’t have assumed this because during my time in Gospel Music and at Gospel Music Channel (GMC/Aspire/UP), I realized that I wasn’t used at all. God wanted me in secular entertainment…to be a light in dark places and initially, I wasn’t happy about it. Before I knew it, I was working Gucci Mane and Nicki Minaj. And I knew that’s exactly where I was supposed to be.
Still, I was blessed to do a radio program as well (definitely not a plan, but divine order) and entitled it SKY HIGH initially before changing the name to PKFaith. I was given the vision of doing a radio ministry where ordinary, jacked up Christians, church Christians, Pharisees, and the unsaved could keep it real about their walk with God. I also wanted to expose my secular audience to Christian and inspirational Hip Hop music as well as play secular artist’s music who dedicate records to God.
While the show was a blessing, it was a TOUGH journey for me. People who knew the bgirl me and the music executive me thought SKY HIGH and PKFaith would be too churchy for their taste. I found myself constantly defending Christian hip hop and R&B, but no one wanted to hear it. “Christian rap is whack,” is all I heard. As for my fellow Christian brothers and sisters I fought so hard for, I wasn’t supported by them either. I felt like Moses. “I CAN’T DO THIS!! and I’m NOT QUALIFIED and I DON’T HAVE THE TOOLS!” I was hurt and frustrated and found that the gospel music industry was more hurtful to me than the secular industry in that a lot of the people were unloving and phony. Sure, they weren’t smoking kush at the Stellar Awards, but their unkindness hurt deeply. And then I knew, I could save way more people in secular music than I could in the gospel industry. Still, when you reach out to your own and don't get support it hurts. Just a few days ago, a Christian rapper who is also quite popular and award-winning, told me me to “blame my management for not coming to PKFaith.” I asked him to support me two years ago as I played his music faithfully. But he wanted me to blame his management for not coming to PKFaith. As the saying goes, we make time for what we want to make time for. I saw him on 106 & Park when he had time and just last night saw posts of him supporting a secular artist at a video shoot who I actually like. Still, after several requests, I must admit, I will never ask him again. I went to God. Prayed. And asked my close friends and mentors to pray for me that I don't become bitter.
So, what’s a girl to do? I returned back to the trap. And there was the love. I’m not saying the trap is a walk in the park. You often leave the studio smelling like one big blunt, but they’re often very genuine and THAT I can deal with. We talk about God. We talk about doing better. And that for me is a good thing; a good start. I recognize that it’s my example and what I’m NOT doing that is appealing to them. I’m saying all of this to say I'm a born again Christian, but my biggest supporters are in the trap; in the hood, and at Rick Ross concerts. At least with them you know what you’re going to get. As for the pastor who was thrown out of the church for attending the Rick Ross concert, I don’t know the full story. But what I do know is, my calling is in the darkness and it’s there that I am called to shine and to bless others. It’s tragic when people feel more love in the streets than they do in a church. The Lord tells us to Guard our hearts. I never imagined that I would have to guard my heart in my own family. But that is what Christianity is – imperfect people saved by a perfect God.
“You cannot drive people to Christ. You can only lead them - by example.”
Mark 2:15-17 reads: "And it came to pass, that, as Jesus sat at meat in his house, many publicans and sinners sat also together with Jesus and his disciples: for there were many, and they followed him. And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners? When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
Thank you to the artists and managers who have covered me; prayed for me; and supported PKFaith. Thatsgoodradio, Linda Hearns of Divine2Wear, Kambino, Oldhead, DJ Sematic, Brinson and God Chaserz Entertainment, Dolla Boy of Playaz Circle, Scotty ATL, Wooh Da Kid of BrickSquad Monopoly, 4-IZE, Faith, Paula Champion, Brand Newz (Play of Kid n' Play), Urban Shake Magazine, SG Magazine, Burgundy, Walt We Do Numbers, Vitamin E Media, Garnet Reid, Daddy O of Stetsasonic, and more!
I love that record Blurred Lines. Catchy tune isn’t it? And so is lust. So many of us have suffered because we honored lust more than love and as a result, the lines got blurred along the way. And the only way to get back on track is to seek God to get clear and to relearn what love is. Most of us think love is just a bunch of feelings until we learn, that could be further from the truth.
One of the reasons why I support celibacy is because if you’ve been caught by lust, chances are you’re confused by what love really is. I want sex and a whole lot of it, but if God isn’t in the midst of it, you’re destroying yourself. Your spirit; your body, your soul, your emotions, are shut down like cancer. Every time I’ve experienced lust, in one way or another, I’ve hurt myself – seen and unseen. So many women think being a friend with benefits is a blessing. They’re so desperate for love; that when lust disguises itself, they jump. But there’s no blessing in being a possibility or option. Purpose and the life God wants his daughters and sons to experience can’t be birthed in lust. The blessing is in being a WIFE or HUSBAND. You're worth being committed to. And it is my hope that women, in particular, don't allow men to make them feel like paying their gas bill or weekend sex is a benefit. It's not a benefit. It's a set up to destroy everything God wants for you.
I know this all too well. I was in the process of falling in love with someone I trusted; an old friend of mine. I was celibate for years. WAITING for my husband and I just knew when this man came back into my life, he was the one. The signs were there, at least I thought, until I began discussing commitment. It can be painful to find out that someone wanted something FROM you, but they didn't want YOU. They wanted your money, your career, sex, peace, title, contacts, experience, friends, success, your relationship and peace with God; but they didn't WANT YOU. Sometimes once people get what they want; they're gone because they wanted what was attached TO YOU and not YOU. And there lies the key. Love is clear. It doesn’t procrastinate. It doesn’t make people hurt or feel used. Sure, all relationships have their struggles. But love and lust are not the same. Love gives, serves, shares. Lust takes and is all about ME. It leaves everyone feeling empty.
As much as I loved this man, I realized that He didn’t WANT ME. He was intrigued by the God in me and maybe my thick thighs??? But he really didn’t want ME. He’s not ready for love because lust is what he knows. He desired the God in me because He was looking for God himself. LOVE protects, respects, and commits and it won't take pulling teeth to do so. Sure, not every man can commit to a woman of God. So many say they want a good woman, but when she comes, they can't handle it. They’d rather hang out with women with no standards. Why? Because when you commit to a woman who has a solid relationship with God, the man is then forced to be his best and accountable. Not every man is ready to be a King so they choose lost, broken women with low expectations. And this can also be said for Men of God. A vicious cycle of fear that robs us of true love, purpose and our dreams. This is why you should receive those who don’t just speak about God, but are SURRENDERED to His will.
God IS love the Word says. In relationships, the commitment is to God and in turn, you are committed to your partner. I learned from this journey, wait for a surrendered person. A person who is committed to pleasing God, can also be committed to pleasing you.
1 John 4:8 (NIV)
8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
A close friend of mine who is also Christian told me about two years ago that the Lord spoke to him and he had a dream about me. He told me that God was preparing me for something great; to keep pushing PKFaith; and that God was PRESERVING my life so that I could walk in it. He told me, KEEP GOING, DON’T GIVE UP. Powerful huh? Shortly after, I had a breast cancer scare, with a biopsy, and told I did not have cancer. #praiseGod
I never forgot when Delvis told me that. It was a bit spooky at the time, but today, I know God has me here for a reason, for ministry and I should make my time here on earth worth it. Still, I’ve had some tough years. There are many days when I wanted to walk away from PKFaith, but recently I surrendered this struggle. Here is a quick testimony I think will bless you.
My career in music has been successful on the creative side and eventually as an executive. But due to my wanting to be a mother first, particularly after being divorced; I paid the price in my career with regard to salary and growth. My negotiating point when hired as an executive was, “I’ll take a pay cut if you’ll work with me on the hours and travel.” One thing about the music business, there’s not much family, life, work balance, and so most of the time, no one GETS when you just want to be a mom. Of course not, this business is about building money, not family.
Still, I was blessed. I worked with A list artists and spearheaded building a record company, management company, and a marketing department. These artists sold millions and while I can’t take full credit because some of them were talented; for the most part it was my experience and relationships that built the company. We didn’t have support from a major label at the time. So, I put the team together; and wrote the marketing strategy to make them the stars that they are today. And it was done from scratch. I was for the most part the record label that wore many hats.
I won’t get into the details because one day, I’d like to tell the entire story. But for now know, I built a company and developed a strategy; these artists became stars; and I wound up on unemployment. For years, I was angry and devastated and afraid because I was a single mom with little support. And this business isn’t very loyal. You are as hot as the artist or brand you’re working at the time. Then, everyone is your friend. But when you get laid off, no one cares. Period.
And so, the economy was tough and out of all of this, God gave me the vision for PKFaith and told me to walk in it. Out of NOWHERE! I started Sky High and then renamed it PKFaith a year later. It wasn’t easy because I never planned for ministry, especially radio and it was tough because those who respected me in secular music didn’t get this “ministry” thing I was doing. So, I struggled with forgiveness because I wasn’t supported really; I made people millionaires who left me flat; and now God tells me to minister hope to people when I have no hope myself!?!? I hated watching these stars. They never reached out to say thank you or how are you. I guess in their eyes thank you album credits are enough to pay the bills. But it wasn’t and I had to make sure this anger and unforgiveness I felt wasn’t stopping my blessings. Bitter is NOT cute.
So, I shared all of this hurt I was feeling with my accountability partner last week and she said, “Portia, if they would’ve given you a million of their profits, would you have still started PKFaith?” And when she asked, there was a SILENCE. I knew the answer and it was no. Yes, I would share those inspirational posts from time to time on Facebook, but no, I’d be rich and busy. I would’ve had a record company most likely, building the next star that would probably be rapping about something I didn’t approve of. Ministry would not be a focus.
I share this testimony to say, IT WAS NECESSARY for me to be laid off; it was necessary for me to be CUT loose so abruptly; it was necessary for these artists/CEOs to be unappreciative; it was necessary for me to be on unemployment and it was necessary that I struggled and stripped of things in order for God to bless me with ministry. I would not have left the company or artists I help to blow up, due to loyalty and determination. I had to be STRIPPED of it. I had to be stripped of success from the world in order for God to bless me with MORE and to live on purpose. Yes, people can be rich, but they can be numb, selfish, and have no idea what purpose is. Purpose is not necessarily success. So, whatever it is you're going through; whatever your lowest moment is, it can also be your greatest blessing in disguise. We often think WHY GOD are you putting me through this?!? All awhile He is trying to GIFT us with something BIG and purposeful. Never forget, ministry and your dreams can be answered through pain. Be blessed. Portia
Jeremiah: 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I know a lot of stars obviously. To me they’re friends, but to you they’re stars. I’ve been in the music business pretty much all of my life. I’ve watched hip hop grow from a baby on up. We were kind of raised together. We’re brother and sister Hip Hop and I. An unusual bond. I love hip hop. I love my culture. Through good and through bad.
I reflect on being 15 years old in hip hop and 42 in hip hop and there are clear changes. I can’t uprock without looking completely nuts, although I still ride to Mobb Deep and EPMD quite often. I still like “shame on a n**ga,” but I’m older now. Better. And I care about different things. I’m not plotting on how to get into the Latin Quarters for Friday. Nor am I looking for a tour to jump on and choreograph for. Today, I think about how to bless people; how to inspire people by spreading love via Jesus Christ; what college my daughter will possibly attend and if I took all of my vitamins. Life changed and so did hip hop along the way.
I don’t like to come down much on the newer generation of hip hop. After all, a lot of us vets weren’t saints. Sure we had more variety in music and had more respect for our elders in hip hop; BUT nope, we weren’t perfect. So, we all have to be patient with the youth. Someone was patient with us. But it’s obvious someone dropped the ball along the way because when I talk to the youth about Cold Crush, Marley Marl, or the Rock Steady Crew, particularly living here in GA, they give me a blank stare. In fact, I was working on a southern record last year and of course, it talked mostly about drugs and how great Mollys are. And I was angry. I shouted into the phone, “I’M NOT WORKING THIS CRAP!” After calming down, I asked the person I was speaking to, have you ever heard of Kool Herc? And they said, “no.” I think I knew then, something in hip hop went wrong and that hurt.
But one thing I do want some of these artists to know is we are responsible. Whether it’s to mentor other children and to make this world a better place or just to make it better for our children and future generations, hip hop saved many lives twenty years ago and we have to continue to do so today. When I was a teen, hip hop was that outlet and I am certain some of my friends would’ve been in jail or dead if we didn’t have B-boyin’ back then. So, we ARE responsible. And we all pay for our junk. Someone has to pay whether it’s us or our children.
So, to the future lyricists, producers, music and radio executives to come, I want you to know, YOU WILL CHANGE. You won’t always rap about ho*s. You won’t always rap about drugs. At some point, you’ll grow…hopefully. You’ll become parents. And you’ll look into your little girl’s eyes, heart melting, and possibly regret all of the female bashing you’ve done. Just know, there's power in words regardless of intent. You can't call the daughters of others b**ches and h*es and not expect for that to come back on your daughter or granddaughter when you have one. God works in mysterious ways and you reap what you sow. In other words, your lyrics might become your story. So, let’s allow hip hop to be the blessing it was meant to be and not a curse. Let’s do better hip hop. Do better.
Numbers 14:18 (NIV)
The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.'
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.