He was a friend of mine and I thought He was THE ONE for a short moment. Out of nowhere, we decided to take it to the next level and while I was CLEAR about where I was in my life (a Proverbs 31 woman; celibate; waiting on a man of purpose I could be a help meet to), our relationship was more of an emotional roller coaster ride because unlike me, he wasn't sure. I was ready and in position. He was sometimes sure and sometimes not so sure. It was a hurtful situation for me, but I learned what I was looking for in a man and one day, a husband.
But I wanted to share with you how I knew he wasn't the one at the time. After a year of attempting to make our yearly romance work, I walked away. I cut ties, including the soul ties. We're friends. I loved him, still do, but there was something missing. It was a bit bigger than “he was a player,” or not sticking to his word. Yes, those elements meant something to me. But there was something in his character. Something very key and I wanted to share with you this journey in hopes that you’ll know the one. God never wanted love to be confusing. ADAM KNEW EVE and Jacob worked for Rachel.
Many women want a man who can pay the bills and provide for their family. Some want fine, rich, great lovemakers, a churchgoer, but none of those traits indicate if he is the one. Of course, a relationship with the Lord is golden, but some men and women just aren’t in tune with who God would wants them to be with and so it leads to long term heartache for both parties. Despite this man being rich; a B-boy (which I absolutely love), who talks lots about God; there was something he didn't have (at least at the time) and what I think every man and woman should look out for when dating.
We were at a resort for the holidays with family and friends. I was moving a piece of furniture to make it comfortable for our family. I asked him to help me move a piece of furniture and he would not get up to help. Sure, it was on wheels, but still he said, "you do it." I asked again, but he wouldn’t move and it said something very powerful to me at the time. It was bigger than him just being selfish and/or lazy. I thought, he might talk a lot about God; be financially stable; I might really be attracted to him, AND he’s taken me to this beautiful resort, BUT one thing we don’t have in common is, he's not a SERVANT or at least someone who will serve me.
I posted on Facebook a few days ago about love and what it really means. I posted –
Instead of just saying "I love you" say "I serve you," and then you"ll know how true and genuine that love is. Replace love with serve and see if you feel the same way about the person you just said "I love you" to.
The mate God has for you will SERVE you and WANT to. You won’t have to beg. Marriage, love, and commitment is work, but when we love someone, naturally, we want to serve them. Just like our children. We WANT to serve them. We might be tired, or have other plans, but we want to serve our children and much of the time PUT THEM FIRST. Selfishness says you are not ready for love. Selfishness said to me in this situation, he would always consider his heart first, his time, his money, his needs, his feelings, his job, his, his, his. When you are ready for love, you have to be ready to serve and think of the other person you love FIRST. Love is service; no matter what type of relationship it is. And I think it's important for women to know that a man dishing out a lot of money, doesn’t make him a servant.
So, in moving forward in your relationship, just know that love isn’t a bunch of lustful feelings. It’s SERVICE because it takes the Spirit of I out of the equation. You never have to fear love that is of God because God’s love never fails. Gentlemen will serve their women. And ladies will serve their men. Once you learn service and understand that lust serves itself; love serves others; you are ready for commitment. There's a huge blessing in store when you can get over you. Don't let you get in the way.
1 Corinthians 13:8
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet.
Thirty-two years ago when I was ten years old I knew the wedding dress I wanted to wear. I had everything mapped out in my head. I would be Jaime Sommers, the Bionic Woman, and marry my prince in a pretty gown. Well, my plans didn’t turn out that way and I’ve been divorced now almost eight years I believe. If I had ONLY known then what I know now, my life would have been prettier I think.
It’s been interesting reading the comments on Adrian Peterson’s son who was killed by the baby mama’s boyfriend. While we’re still waiting to confirm the identity of this little boy, the tragedy is still present. This two-year old with a giant of a smile is dead. Murdered. Abused by a baby mama’s boyfriend. And I am concerned there are more children out there seconds away from being abused because their mother is lost looking for love in all the wrong places.
My dear sisters, you will always be thirsty, until you realize that the epitome of what and who you are is not tied to anyone else but God. It’s not about being an independent woman who doesn’t need a man or married to a man who’s rich. All of those elements are external and will never satisfy you. While wanting to be a wife and a mother is natural because God has created us to bring life into this world and then nurture it. STILL, God is also a God of order and there is a season for everything according to God’s Word. God wants you to have love-be a wife and a mother, but at its appointed time. Whenever we embrace life out of season, life will be bitter. Whenever we try to find ourselves outside of what God created us to be; life will hurt. And so, here are some of the things to keep in mind ladies as you look for love.
1. God IS love. Anything you want from a man, you should get from God first. A man cannot complete you. Only God is meant to fill up any emptiness you feel. Falling in love with you, means falling in love with God first. And that, my friend, takes intimacy. Reading the Word and lots of prayer (conversation) with God will get you there. The beginning of being found by the man God has for you begins with God. Let Him show you what love is so that when a man comes you can IDENTIFY if it is REALLY love to begin with.
2. Why did God create you? Everyday seek purpose. Get in tune with why you breathe and how God wants to use you. You have talents and gifts and when God created you it was so much more than you being a wife and a mother. Find your purpose in life. This is something you should know before the “man of your dreams” comes.
3. It’s healthy when you know who are aside from stuff. Find beauty outside of what you can purchase. Makeup. Clothes. Your home and the car you drive aren’t beauty. I am expensive because of my love for God and my brokenness. I am expensive because I know who I am in God; my purpose; and all of the junk I need to do housecleaning on. I am expensive because I am loved by God and know it. I am expensive because I am forgiven. The bottom line is, don’t depend on the love and approval of others to make you whole. That’s not their job.
4. Try practicing celibacy until married so that you can truly guard your heart. I had sex way before I should have. Not because I wanted sex; I wanted love and approval, but sex and damage is what I walked away with, like many women, especially those who don’t have healthy relationships with their fathers. Sex confuses things. God wants sex and love to work together, but often men can have sex and walk away-no strings attached. And when this happens, it’s not love any more. When a man can have sex with you and walk away, it’s not LOVE. Love is commitment. And I know God wants so much more for me than to be someone else’s fix (THANK YOU LORD!) And so, I am celibate and most of the time, very happy with it. It would be great to marry again, but I don’t NEED it. It’s a want but if it doesn’t happen, I am ok with that too. Why? Because being a daughter of God is just as fulfilling for me as being a wife-actually more. I know that the best sex ever is sex God approves of and I am willing to wait just for that.
5. Finally, if you’re a single mother, that is the season you are in – PARENTING. If God wants you to have a husband, he will be a man who is submitted to God; who wants to cover you and provide for you and your children; who is clear on his purpose and a praying man; and your purpose TOGETHER. Never bring your children around a man unless you think he could be a husband and unless he loves God too. I know sometimes we want to be that ten-year old girl again; a wife; and Cinderella. But God wants so much more for you than fairy tales; he wants purpose.
We’ve got to get over the fairy tale girls because it doesn’t exist. There is life and sometimes it is good and sometimes it isn’t, but it can always be purposeful and the one God had in mind. We have to find rest in God and not in man and realize that even when the man comes God has for us; there will always be an emptiness only God can fulfill.
When she confessed, "I have no husband" (John 4:17), Jesus affirmed her answer, then gently exposed her sin: "The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband" (John 4:18).
I’m a born again Christian meaning, at least for me, I experienced a supernatural experience with God; baptized by the fire; and a conversion. In other words, I did the saul paul thing. While I had always had a relationship with God, seven years ago I was born again. Changed. And like the song says, and He did it SUDDENLY.
Sure over time, I’ve grown, stumbled, fallen, and I’m still a sinner, but in one miraculous day, my life changed. I surrendered all and told God to “Take all of it.” I went to the altar, in the Spirit, and said “Take it all,” sobbing. When it was all over, there I was naked and born again. And then the process begins of getting used to your new skin, new eyes, new ears and the whole I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE. I could go on and on about this experience, but just know, it was then that I became anointed. Anointed to spread God’s love and for some reason, I was given my own niche – hip hop and the streets.
I should mention that I believe everyone is born for God’s glory and anointed to minister, uniquely using their own gifts, but not everyone answers their calling. Well, I did and as time went on, I assumed that I’d leave the secular music industry that I had been in since 15 yrs old and enter into the gospel arena, to blow up “God’s” music. But I shouldn’t have assumed this because during my time in Gospel Music and at Gospel Music Channel (GMC/Aspire/UP), I realized that I wasn’t used at all. God wanted me in secular entertainment…to be a light in dark places and initially, I wasn’t happy about it. Before I knew it, I was working Gucci Mane and Nicki Minaj. And I knew that’s exactly where I was supposed to be.
Still, I was blessed to do a radio program as well (definitely not a plan, but divine order) and entitled it SKY HIGH initially before changing the name to PKFaith. I was given the vision of doing a radio ministry where ordinary, jacked up Christians, church Christians, Pharisees, and the unsaved could keep it real about their walk with God. I also wanted to expose my secular audience to Christian and inspirational Hip Hop music as well as play secular artist’s music who dedicate records to God.
While the show was a blessing, it was a TOUGH journey for me. People who knew the bgirl me and the music executive me thought SKY HIGH and PKFaith would be too churchy for their taste. I found myself constantly defending Christian hip hop and R&B, but no one wanted to hear it. “Christian rap is whack,” is all I heard. As for my fellow Christian brothers and sisters I fought so hard for, I wasn’t supported by them either. I felt like Moses. “I CAN’T DO THIS!! and I’m NOT QUALIFIED and I DON’T HAVE THE TOOLS!” I was hurt and frustrated and found that the gospel music industry was more hurtful to me than the secular industry in that a lot of the people were unloving and phony. Sure, they weren’t smoking kush at the Stellar Awards, but their unkindness hurt deeply. And then I knew, I could save way more people in secular music than I could in the gospel industry. Still, when you reach out to your own and don't get support it hurts. Just a few days ago, a Christian rapper who is also quite popular and award-winning, told me me to “blame my management for not coming to PKFaith.” I asked him to support me two years ago as I played his music faithfully. But he wanted me to blame his management for not coming to PKFaith. As the saying goes, we make time for what we want to make time for. I saw him on 106 & Park when he had time and just last night saw posts of him supporting a secular artist at a video shoot who I actually like. Still, after several requests, I must admit, I will never ask him again. I went to God. Prayed. And asked my close friends and mentors to pray for me that I don't become bitter.
So, what’s a girl to do? I returned back to the trap. And there was the love. I’m not saying the trap is a walk in the park. You often leave the studio smelling like one big blunt, but they’re often very genuine and THAT I can deal with. We talk about God. We talk about doing better. And that for me is a good thing; a good start. I recognize that it’s my example and what I’m NOT doing that is appealing to them. I’m saying all of this to say I'm a born again Christian, but my biggest supporters are in the trap; in the hood, and at Rick Ross concerts. At least with them you know what you’re going to get. As for the pastor who was thrown out of the church for attending the Rick Ross concert, I don’t know the full story. But what I do know is, my calling is in the darkness and it’s there that I am called to shine and to bless others. It’s tragic when people feel more love in the streets than they do in a church. The Lord tells us to Guard our hearts. I never imagined that I would have to guard my heart in my own family. But that is what Christianity is – imperfect people saved by a perfect God.
“You cannot drive people to Christ. You can only lead them - by example.”
Mark 2:15-17 reads: "And it came to pass, that, as Jesus sat at meat in his house, many publicans and sinners sat also together with Jesus and his disciples: for there were many, and they followed him. And when the scribes and Pharisees saw him eat with publicans and sinners, they said unto his disciples, How is it that he eateth and drinketh with publicans and sinners? When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, They that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
Thank you to the artists and managers who have covered me; prayed for me; and supported PKFaith. Thatsgoodradio, Linda Hearns of Divine2Wear, Kambino, Oldhead, DJ Sematic, Brinson and God Chaserz Entertainment, Dolla Boy of Playaz Circle, Scotty ATL, Wooh Da Kid of BrickSquad Monopoly, 4-IZE, Faith, Paula Champion, Brand Newz (Play of Kid n' Play), Urban Shake Magazine, SG Magazine, Burgundy, Walt We Do Numbers, Vitamin E Media, Garnet Reid, Daddy O of Stetsasonic, and more!
I love that record Blurred Lines. Catchy tune isn’t it? And so is lust. So many of us have suffered because we honored lust more than love and as a result, the lines got blurred along the way. And the only way to get back on track is to seek God to get clear and to relearn what love is. Most of us think love is just a bunch of feelings until we learn, that could be further from the truth.
One of the reasons why I support celibacy is because if you’ve been caught by lust, chances are you’re confused by what love really is. I want sex and a whole lot of it, but if God isn’t in the midst of it, you’re destroying yourself. Your spirit; your body, your soul, your emotions, are shut down like cancer. Every time I’ve experienced lust, in one way or another, I’ve hurt myself – seen and unseen. So many women think being a friend with benefits is a blessing. They’re so desperate for love; that when lust disguises itself, they jump. But there’s no blessing in being a possibility or option. Purpose and the life God wants his daughters and sons to experience can’t be birthed in lust. The blessing is in being a WIFE or HUSBAND. You're worth being committed to. And it is my hope that women, in particular, don't allow men to make them feel like paying their gas bill or weekend sex is a benefit. It's not a benefit. It's a set up to destroy everything God wants for you.
I know this all too well. I was in the process of falling in love with someone I trusted; an old friend of mine. I was celibate for years. WAITING for my husband and I just knew when this man came back into my life, he was the one. The signs were there, at least I thought, until I began discussing commitment. It can be painful to find out that someone wanted something FROM you, but they didn't want YOU. They wanted your money, your career, sex, peace, title, contacts, experience, friends, success, your relationship and peace with God; but they didn't WANT YOU. Sometimes once people get what they want; they're gone because they wanted what was attached TO YOU and not YOU. And there lies the key. Love is clear. It doesn’t procrastinate. It doesn’t make people hurt or feel used. Sure, all relationships have their struggles. But love and lust are not the same. Love gives, serves, shares. Lust takes and is all about ME. It leaves everyone feeling empty.
As much as I loved this man, I realized that He didn’t WANT ME. He was intrigued by the God in me and maybe my thick thighs??? But he really didn’t want ME. He’s not ready for love because lust is what he knows. He desired the God in me because He was looking for God himself. LOVE protects, respects, and commits and it won't take pulling teeth to do so. Sure, not every man can commit to a woman of God. So many say they want a good woman, but when she comes, they can't handle it. They’d rather hang out with women with no standards. Why? Because when you commit to a woman who has a solid relationship with God, the man is then forced to be his best and accountable. Not every man is ready to be a King so they choose lost, broken women with low expectations. And this can also be said for Men of God. A vicious cycle of fear that robs us of true love, purpose and our dreams. This is why you should receive those who don’t just speak about God, but are SURRENDERED to His will.
God IS love the Word says. In relationships, the commitment is to God and in turn, you are committed to your partner. I learned from this journey, wait for a surrendered person. A person who is committed to pleasing God, can also be committed to pleasing you.
1 John 4:8 (NIV)
8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
A close friend of mine who is also Christian told me about two years ago that the Lord spoke to him and he had a dream about me. He told me that God was preparing me for something great; to keep pushing PKFaith; and that God was PRESERVING my life so that I could walk in it. He told me, KEEP GOING, DON’T GIVE UP. Powerful huh? Shortly after, I had a breast cancer scare, with a biopsy, and told I did not have cancer. #praiseGod
I never forgot when Delvis told me that. It was a bit spooky at the time, but today, I know God has me here for a reason, for ministry and I should make my time here on earth worth it. Still, I’ve had some tough years. There are many days when I wanted to walk away from PKFaith, but recently I surrendered this struggle. Here is a quick testimony I think will bless you.
My career in music has been successful on the creative side and eventually as an executive. But due to my wanting to be a mother first, particularly after being divorced; I paid the price in my career with regard to salary and growth. My negotiating point when hired as an executive was, “I’ll take a pay cut if you’ll work with me on the hours and travel.” One thing about the music business, there’s not much family, life, work balance, and so most of the time, no one GETS when you just want to be a mom. Of course not, this business is about building money, not family.
Still, I was blessed. I worked with A list artists and spearheaded building a record company, management company, and a marketing department. These artists sold millions and while I can’t take full credit because some of them were talented; for the most part it was my experience and relationships that built the company. We didn’t have support from a major label at the time. So, I put the team together; and wrote the marketing strategy to make them the stars that they are today. And it was done from scratch. I was for the most part the record label that wore many hats.
I won’t get into the details because one day, I’d like to tell the entire story. But for now know, I built a company and developed a strategy; these artists became stars; and I wound up on unemployment. For years, I was angry and devastated and afraid because I was a single mom with little support. And this business isn’t very loyal. You are as hot as the artist or brand you’re working at the time. Then, everyone is your friend. But when you get laid off, no one cares. Period.
And so, the economy was tough and out of all of this, God gave me the vision for PKFaith and told me to walk in it. Out of NOWHERE! I started Sky High and then renamed it PKFaith a year later. It wasn’t easy because I never planned for ministry, especially radio and it was tough because those who respected me in secular music didn’t get this “ministry” thing I was doing. So, I struggled with forgiveness because I wasn’t supported really; I made people millionaires who left me flat; and now God tells me to minister hope to people when I have no hope myself!?!? I hated watching these stars. They never reached out to say thank you or how are you. I guess in their eyes thank you album credits are enough to pay the bills. But it wasn’t and I had to make sure this anger and unforgiveness I felt wasn’t stopping my blessings. Bitter is NOT cute.
So, I shared all of this hurt I was feeling with my accountability partner last week and she said, “Portia, if they would’ve given you a million of their profits, would you have still started PKFaith?” And when she asked, there was a SILENCE. I knew the answer and it was no. Yes, I would share those inspirational posts from time to time on Facebook, but no, I’d be rich and busy. I would’ve had a record company most likely, building the next star that would probably be rapping about something I didn’t approve of. Ministry would not be a focus.
I share this testimony to say, IT WAS NECESSARY for me to be laid off; it was necessary for me to be CUT loose so abruptly; it was necessary for these artists/CEOs to be unappreciative; it was necessary for me to be on unemployment and it was necessary that I struggled and stripped of things in order for God to bless me with ministry. I would not have left the company or artists I help to blow up, due to loyalty and determination. I had to be STRIPPED of it. I had to be stripped of success from the world in order for God to bless me with MORE and to live on purpose. Yes, people can be rich, but they can be numb, selfish, and have no idea what purpose is. Purpose is not necessarily success. So, whatever it is you're going through; whatever your lowest moment is, it can also be your greatest blessing in disguise. We often think WHY GOD are you putting me through this?!? All awhile He is trying to GIFT us with something BIG and purposeful. Never forget, ministry and your dreams can be answered through pain. Be blessed. Portia
Jeremiah: 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I know a lot of stars obviously. To me they’re friends, but to you they’re stars. I’ve been in the music business pretty much all of my life. I’ve watched hip hop grow from a baby on up. We were kind of raised together. We’re brother and sister Hip Hop and I. An unusual bond. I love hip hop. I love my culture. Through good and through bad.
I reflect on being 15 years old in hip hop and 42 in hip hop and there are clear changes. I can’t uprock without looking completely nuts, although I still ride to Mobb Deep and EPMD quite often. I still like “shame on a n**ga,” but I’m older now. Better. And I care about different things. I’m not plotting on how to get into the Latin Quarters for Friday. Nor am I looking for a tour to jump on and choreograph for. Today, I think about how to bless people; how to inspire people by spreading love via Jesus Christ; what college my daughter will possibly attend and if I took all of my vitamins. Life changed and so did hip hop along the way.
I don’t like to come down much on the newer generation of hip hop. After all, a lot of us vets weren’t saints. Sure we had more variety in music and had more respect for our elders in hip hop; BUT nope, we weren’t perfect. So, we all have to be patient with the youth. Someone was patient with us. But it’s obvious someone dropped the ball along the way because when I talk to the youth about Cold Crush, Marley Marl, or the Rock Steady Crew, particularly living here in GA, they give me a blank stare. In fact, I was working on a southern record last year and of course, it talked mostly about drugs and how great Mollys are. And I was angry. I shouted into the phone, “I’M NOT WORKING THIS CRAP!” After calming down, I asked the person I was speaking to, have you ever heard of Kool Herc? And they said, “no.” I think I knew then, something in hip hop went wrong and that hurt.
But one thing I do want some of these artists to know is we are responsible. Whether it’s to mentor other children and to make this world a better place or just to make it better for our children and future generations, hip hop saved many lives twenty years ago and we have to continue to do so today. When I was a teen, hip hop was that outlet and I am certain some of my friends would’ve been in jail or dead if we didn’t have B-boyin’ back then. So, we ARE responsible. And we all pay for our junk. Someone
has to pay whether it’s us or our children.
So, to the future lyricists, producers, music and radio executives to come, I want you to know, YOU WILL CHANGE. You won’t always rap about ho*s. You won’t always rap about drugs. At some point, you’ll grow…hopefully. You’ll become parents. And you’ll look into your little girl’s eyes, heart melting, and possibly regret all of the female bashing you’ve done. Just know, there's power in words regardless of intent. You can't call the daughters of others b**ches and h*es and not expect for that to come back on your daughter or granddaughter when you have one. God works in mysterious ways and you reap what you sow. In other words, your lyrics might become your story. So, let’s allow hip hop to be the blessing it was meant to be and not a curse. Let’s do better hip hop. Do better. Numbers 14:18 (NIV)
The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.'
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
God hasn’t forgotten about you. His ways are not our ways and even at 42, I’m still learning how to trust God’s moves. He taught me a valuable lesson yesterday. I had depended on people I’ve known for 20 years. And they didn’t come through. And the producer of my show, Carol, said with a certainty, “this isn’t supposed to happen. God is protecting you from something.” And I believe that. But I tell you, when things don’t go OUR way, we automatically assume that God's forgotten about us. That He doesn’t care. That we’re undeserving and that “God has way too much going on to be concerned about ME.”
Unfortunately, very rarely do we think, God is in control. God is answering prayers. God is protecting us and we’re the apple of His eye. Much of our life is learning how to tear down images that He’s like our mothers, fathers, friends, co-workers, bosses, in-laws, spouses, and neighbors, who have let us down. We assume He’s just like everyone else who doesn’t stick to their word. But He isn’t everyone else and life would probably be different if we could only trust that God really does loves us. If only our attitude had a makeover, maybe we’d know that in life there WILL be trouble, but we must learn, like Apostle Paul, to be content in all things. The very good and the very bad.
So, when this family let me down yesterday, I felt the pinch. I was disappointed. Angry. Until the lesson shined through that the lesson was about MY attitude and not their lack of courtesy, love and respect. I learned there are seasons for everything as it is written in Eccelsiastes, and that seasons for our lives will include events and memories wrapped with people we’ve loved; we’ve lost; who have hurt us and who have blessed us. But these seasons have come and gone. And when we pray for God to take us to the next level, we have to know that, as seasons transition with one ending and another beginning, sometimes people are included in that.
And so, I kept a memory alive in my head with these people in it; but it’s gone. The season is over. Just like one or two pieces of clothing in our closets that are outdated, it’s time to donate it. Give it away. Let it go. Yes, we shined in that suit and tie many years ago, but today, it’s no longer YOU and no longer fits.
Yesterday, God was helping me out by closing the door, but at the time I saw disrespect by friends. Always know there are two sides to a story – there's yours and then there's God's. So, who’s in your closet that needs to be donated? It’s time for Spring Cleaning, so God can bring you something awesome and something NEW!
Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; …
Ecclesiastes 3:17 I said to myself, "God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed."
Ecclesiastes 8:6 For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter, though a person may be weighed down by misery.
One of my pet peeves is how consumed women are with other women. Whether it’s fashion, cosmetics, or her man, many women are in bondage to each other. They get lost in dissecting the lives of others and even idolizing them. I assume because it’s so much easier to see others than it is to see ourselves at times. But it’s unfortunate that satan can use insecurity, jealousy and pride to stop women from growing and walking in purpose. While men want to be validated by other men, I think women also want to be validated by other women. And it’s a no-win situation no matter how you look at it. Any validation outside of God, will have your destiny on a detour.
There’s a young lady I know. She brags a lot about being natural. She’s quite insecure. But she doesn’t think she is because she’s “natural.” No perm. No weave. No makeup. She eats only organic foods. She is the natural queen. Funny thing is in ALL of her naturalness, she doesn’t realize she doesn’t like herself. She has a tendency to shut other women down, who wear makeup and weaves because she says “I’m NATURALLY beautiful and I don’t need all of that junk on my face.” And while this might be so, there is something missing from Ms. Natural because women who love themselves can celebrate other women and their uniqueness. It’s not necessary to shut others down to feel good. They can appreciate beauty in many forms. But more importantly, women who have found themselves know that anything external is temporary. Natural or not. Real beauty begins on the inside. What difference does it make how natural you are when your character is ugly?
It’s interesting that insecurity doesn’t have a certain “look.” In fact, some of the most beautiful women in the world are insecure. She quietly says to herself, “If I had those shoes; if I had a slimmer nose; if I had longer hair; if I had more education; if I had a man; if I had a baby.” And the tragedy is, God doesn’t create his children in IF; He creates them in His image with everything happening in season, but we have to believe that God created us perfectly in His eyes. That's the beginning of healing from insecurity. When you believe that you are created in God's image and others are too; you won’t want to criticize the dress Kim Kardashian is wearing. It will all seem like a waste of time. You've got better things to do - like celebrating people.
For my sisters in Christ who find that they critique more than they celebrate; it might be a good time to ask God to reveal any hidden insecurity you might have. It can be that very insecurity that’s stopping you from getting some of the answers you might have in life. Just know that growing in God’s love means you’ll be able to love others; including those whose beauty is different from yours.
Proverbs 31:30 ►
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Everyone has a past. Paul wasn’t always Paul. He was once Saul. And unfortunately, we forget WHO and what Christians really are. Sinners. There are those who find it much easier to point the finger at others than to point the finger at themselves, not realizing it’s a set up by satan. A setup by satan to distract people from seeing themselves; healing themselves; and to get people to spend their energy on critiquing and judging others. And I was reminded of this when I watched Iyanla Vanzant’s DMX episode. It was heart wrenching for many of us to watch. It was hard to see his brokenness. But let us not forget, God is close to the brokenhearted. I know. I am one of them.
It’s never too late for God to heal. And I wonder how many people, who had an opinion about DMX and his dysfunctionalism, saw their own dysfunctional family or neighbors. He’s not the only man on drugs or who’s suffered from mental illness or who fell short as a father. Many of us come from broken homes and communities and not everyone makes it out HEALTHY. Not everyone is up feeding the poor this morning or donating money to mental illness, especially those without health insurance. Let’s be honest, opinions don’t bring about change. And from God’s viewpoint every single one of us can use CHANGE in at least one area of our lives. Everyone. The pruning process of becoming like Christ is a process and a journey. Not a destination. And with God, it is NEVER too late to heal.
But that’s satan’s set up. Let’s gossip and shut down Kim Kardashian, a woman who is continuously beat up on in the media. Bashed maybe because she had sex with someone she shouldn’t have. Oh, how many of us can say that??! But I get it. Gossip often stops people from growing because they’re so consumed by the lives and shortcomings of others. It feels better that way, I guess, to talk about DMX and Kim K because it allows people to HIDE from themselves and their own backyard. But in order to have a relationship with God, it’s necessary to face yourself; it‘s necessary to face your junk; your past; and then allow God to reconcile you to Him; to heal; to help you to transition from Saul to Paul. We all need it. Some of us, way more than DMX and Kim Kardashian because we’re broken. All of us. And only God the Potter has the assets to rebuild us to be the masterpiece He had in mind. It is in my brokenness that God had a chance to show off in my life.
Don’t get me wrong, we all should be able to move forward from our past, but we have to first face it; recognize where we went wrong and DO BETTER. God doesn’t get caught up in our past and sin, particularly if we repent and do better. But we have to recognize hate for what it is. Hate is hate to God. It doesn’t matter how it’s packaged. Ignorance is ignorance no matter how you cut it. God is hurt by ALL sin, no matter what. Gossip is hate and so is planting a bomb and killing innocent people. The bottom line is…allow your past to be past and move from glory to glory to glory. DO BETTER. This is what God requires. Not that we are all perfect; but that we are willing and humble to allow Him to do a work in us. So, while the world is consumed with the past of others; who’s who in somebody’s bed; and what new drugs to glorify; God is looking to fix the brokenness in all of us-some more obvious than others, some playing the role of perfect; but EVERY knee will bow. DMX. Kim Kardashian, you and I. I’m just smart enough to stay on my knees so that when God returns, I’m already in position.
Don’t allow Satan to make you see the problems in others and not in yourself. You might not be a drug dealer; maybe just a user; or purchasing the hot records that glorify it, but we’re all responsible for making this world a better place.
Philippians 3:13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
Acts 9 Then Saul, (who also is called Paul,) filled with the Holy Ghost, set his eyes on him.
I had to flee. I didn’t want to and it took time to figure out if I was making the RIGHT decision, but we’re told as Christians that our decisions should line up with the Word of God and God’s heart. The Word says to FLEE from sin. And I flew, even though it was a hurtful decision. And I’m paying for it because I chose the flesh over the Spirit. You always pay for sin you know. And for some reason, I can hear Fred Sanford in the background saying to me, “YOU BIG DUMMY.”
I decided to blog on this because a friend of mine reached out to me yesterday on counsel. He’s a Christian. Not surrendered, but finding his way. And he’s dating a young lady who’s involved in the church and who is CELIBATE, or at least she was until she gave my buddy some. And I know that feeling all too well-stuck in the streets of Eden with a juicy red apple. Do you choose the flesh and what tastes good, or do you run after God? Common sense would say God right? But so many of us don’t.
So, my friend likes this girl. But the girl is now having trouble because she slipped and had sex. She loves God and she loves my friend, or at least lusts for him and now she has some regrets. And I told my friend that if he wanted this relationship to work, he’d have to become celibate too. Not celibate because he likes this woman, but celibate because of his own relationship with God. And I wanted to share this with my brothers and sisters in Christ who are celibate. Those who are celibate and lonely, pure, frustrated, afraid, unsure, in love, and confused, when Satan tempts you, it’s not going to be with someone who will tell you they want to have sex. Most likely, it will be with someone who is willing to wait because it’s what YOU want, especially if they care about you. And there’s the problem, they’re waiting for you and not for God. Eventually, the both of you will have sex because one is celibate for Christ (already struggling sometimes) and the other isn’t. He or she must want to surrender themselves to God. It’s got to come from them. If not, the fall will happen with you or someone else.
I’ve blogged on it in the past-my love for a man, who I’ve known since a teen. I had never considered dating him; but in the past year, we rekindled a friendship that turned into “something more.” Of course I made clear, I’m celibate! I’m waiting on my husband! Still, 9 months later, after years of waiting, we went there. And while it was a STRUGGLE because I loved this man, my love for God is stronger. So, I had to flee.
I’m disappointed. I, like many celibate, Proverbs 31, surrendered Christian women, had sex thinking GOD SENT MY HUSBAND, but of course, his words and actions didn’t line up. So, where did I go wrong? I dated a Christian man who is NOT celibate. He cared about me. He has a working relationship with Christ, but NOT surrendered. And after time, the intimacy continues, there’s no commitment on their part, and the struggle begins-AM I YOUR WIFE?! WHO ELSE IS THERE?! IS THIS A COMMITMENT?! ARE YOU PRAYING?! When a man or woman is celibate for Christ, they won’t be abstaining from sex because of you but because they are ALSO in love with God. THAT IS WHO YOU SHOULD DATE. Date someone who is not only Christian, but surrendered and in love with God so much they want to honor him and be obedient.
So, if you’re in that space with that man or woman that you love, but he or she isn’t ready to commit or marry, STOP, DROP, and FLEE. And of course pray. Pray for the one you love, pray for forgiveness, and then try again. Celibacy isn’t easy, but it shows who’s SERIOUS about you and who’s serious about pleasing God. And this is very important when it comes to EQUALLY YOKED relationships because you can be Christian and NOT on the same page. So, hang in there celibates. Soon, the juicy red apple will be all yours. P
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.